From the Wisdom of Abu Tayeb

Why We Arabs Should Vote For Barak

WE Arabs are unlucky. Just after our great leader and commander returned from Wye River with the latest edition of the Peace of the Brave, Netanyahu stumbled. Now we have to wait for Israel's elections. We also had elections once. It was quite interesting, and there were pictures all over – bright smiling faces on the metal doors of the shops that are closed. You can still see most of those pictures, though time has chewed them. It's nice to see the hopeful faces. Elections are good. They cheer you up.
I don't think we'll have any more for a while. There isn't really a need for them as long as the pictures last. Our Israeli neighbors, though, seem quite excited. They put up pictures and rip them down every couple of years, which is a terrible waste. We look with astonishment at the commotion on the other side of the checkpoint. Who will win and who will lose? My friend Abu Salem is a real expert! He spends his days and nights going over these things. We must pay careful attention, he says, because their elections will decide our fate. Abu Salem is closely observing the steps of our Palestinian brothers in Israel. "Down with Netanyahu!" is their slogan. This is very profound, he says. It reflects precisely the Arab strategy for achieving our rights. "What's so profound?" I asked him.
"Abu Tayeb," he said, "I will answer in terms you can understand. Take, for example, the picture of Netanyahu." He reached into a pile of newspaper clippings and pulled out one with the election poster. Bibi wasn't smiling. Bibi looked very determined. "What do you hear him saying?" asked Abu Salem. I shrugged. "Nothing. It's a picture."
"Just look. Look and listen." Then he imitated Bibi's voice. "I despise you Arabs, and I'm not afraid to show it. We Jews came to take over, and that's what we're doing. If you're good you'll get 42% of the West Bank. If you're not good, you won't. Good? Get. No good? No get. As for Jerusalem, forget it. The settlements remain. Tell Arafat his check's in the mail."
I was astonished. "You're right. Down with Netanyahu!" Then he pulled out Barak. "Now listen to our friend." And he imitated him. "I don't despise you. No, no! I just want to be separate. You there, us here. As for the West Bank, I can't give more than Bibi, since you accepted his offer at Wye. No question of Jerusalem – we mustn't let our enemy say I'll divide it! On the settlements – you don't want us to look soft, do you? Oh, tell your Chairman to stop by for his envelope." Here I had doubts. "It amounts to the same thing, no?" "Not at all!" said Abu Salem. "The positions of the two men are entirely different. Look at their slogans." He reached again into the pile and came out with Bibi's: "A Strong Leader for a Strong Nation." Then he found Barak's: "Israel is Strong with Barak." See the difference?" "Not really."
"It's enormous. Bibi puts the leader first, Barak puts Israel first. Now here's the cunning of it: Since Bibi will only fall by force, we need a strong Israel to push him. That's why the emphasis is on Israel. Barak's slogan is very clever." I felt bewildered, but Abu Salem leaned forward and whispered, "You understand, Abu Tayeb, there has to be a difference. Otherwise our brothers in Israel might not all show up to vote for Barak, and they might leave him short the way they left Peres."
I whispered back, "But what does it matter, if Barak won't give us anything more?" "Politics," Abu Salem said in his normal voice, "is the art of the possible. Within the realm of the possible, Barak is offering a great deal more. It's like with coffee. Would you like a cup?" "No thank you."
"Oh, please, have a cup."
"No thank you."
"Oh, please, have a cup."
"Well, thank you."
So Abu Salem went and made coffee, while I stared at the slogans, trying to make out the difference. When he came back with the cup, he withheld it a moment. "Abu Tayeb," he said, "If I just shove this cup at you with a sneer, that's very different from when I offer it graciously, is it not?"
"True." He set the cup down graciously before me and resumed his seat with a sigh. "Well, now, look at the pictures again. Which of these two would you rather have serve you coffee?" I considered, and he sipped from his cup. I had to admit, "Barak. I've had two years of Bibi's coffee." "You see? And tell me, doesn't the coffee taste better, when it is poured by a man who doesn't despise you – or at least, doesn't say so?"
I had to admit once more that he had a point. "But suppose our brothers in Israel put Barak over the top. Will he really come through with the coffee?"
"You bet!" said Abu Salem. He settled back in his chair and with a twinkle in his eye, continued: "But first he will invite Netanyahu to join him in a national unity government." "What! We just got rid of him!" "Yes, I know, I know. This is politics, my friend. We need to shove Bibi out the front door in order to bring him in through the back. Barak, you see, will have to make good on his promises. He promises a strong country, and a strong country is one that's united. If we want peace we must do all we can to unite the Jews. Look what a mistake our old friend Rabin made." Abu Salem sighed and rubbed his forearm where it had been broken, as he does whenever he mentions Rabin. "He went to Oslo without the Likud, and it cost him his life. Or when Bibi tried to give us land for peace, forgetting his pals from the settlements, didn't they bring him down? No, no, despite the tremendous differences, the job won't be done unless there's unity, and that means a government that doesn't depend on settlers or Arabs." "Arabs! That's us!"
"Quite right. I forgot for a moment. I've been so wrapped up in their elections, Abu Tayeb." "I understand. But if the Jews are willing to unite for peace, why don't we unite too?" He threw up his hands. "Do I have to start over? Don't you see that our unity is an obstacle to peace? Arab unity is the enemy of Israel and America. Everyone says so. For the sake of peace the Arabs will have to make this noble sacrifice." "OK, one last question."
Abu Salem nodded patiently. "How in the world will Barak and Bibi bridge their enormous gaps?" "Leave it to Mordechai. He'll invite them for coffee."